More important advice on life:

When slacking in class with friends, never put your back to the door. You never know who might walk in at the same moment when you shout some expletive or come to the punchline of your lame, crude, joke.

Don't ever say to your ah beng hairdresser, "Do something different this time. I wanna look cool." You'll end up looking like a conked, mohawked lion.

Always listen to the enormous man while on the MRT. You know who I'm talking about. He's the one who takes up two seats, talks loudly on his phone while covering all the other passengers with a mist of spittle, and makes you and your buddy leave your seat so that he can sit down. Although it may not seem so, his intentions are noble when he gruffly tones, "Boy, get up." This is because he cannot balance properly if he tries to stand in the train car. Imagine an oily 400 pound monster in a T-shirt too disgustingly tight for him rolling down your carriage, squashing hapless screaming passengers. Or worse, imagine him smashing into the walls. The train would be lifted straight off it's tracks and onto it's side. So kids, just let the big sweaty man sit.

I resolve to put an end to the angry posts. This will be happy week. Only happy things.